Flowers and Thunderstorms

Yesterday I ran into Giant to pick up a few groceries for dinner. I made it just in time as the big black storm clouds were just rolling in across the sky. As I shopped I could hear the thunder and teeming rain. During my stroll through the store I had to stop by the flower department. It was the happiest and most vibrant grocery store flower department I have ever seen. I have to imagine that no matter how sad you are, just walking through there would lift your spirits. It was so colorful and alive! The picture doesn't really do it justice, but take my word for it, it was colorful and bright and there were balloons and everything. I was in awe.

I managed to prolong my shopping trip long enough to outlast the rain. The parking lot was filled with water and jumping through puddles in my heels was no easy feat. I can't complain though, I love big thunderstorms like that. Northern Virginia is good for their t-storms in the spring and summer. We had a ton last year, I loved it. I do love sunshine, but a good deep rumbling thunderstorm and pouring rain (when you don't have outdoor plans of course) is hard to beat.

Penn State vball vs. GMU

Nothing short of addiction

I have what most people would consider an "addictive personality." I remember in my younger years thinking that addictive personality meant you were so stellar that people would just be addicted to you. Oh, to be so young and naïve. Suddenly, as I’ve grown up my “addictive personality” has become apparent in the way that I find something I enjoy for the moment and latch on for a couple of weeks I get “hooked” on things for short bursts of time. Most notably: projects and random TV shows. In terms of projects, I sometimes get in scrapbooking fix, and it’s all I can think about, all I want to do, constantly thinking of page layouts and what pictures to put where. Last fall I became addicted to watching “The Office.” Every day for who knows how long, I rented disk by disk, the entire DVD series from Blockbuster. I would watch every night while cleaning my room or just sitting on my bed. I’d stay up until 2 o’clock in the morning, always wanting to watch “just one more.”

Now my latest addiction is the Navy crime show, “NCIS.” I have my Dad to thank for this one because last time I was home visiting he made me watch an episode of his “favorite show.” And one episode was all it took. It’s a pretty easy show to get in to; you don’t need to have watched the past five seasons to feel up to speed. Its like “Law and Order,” some character development, but mostly just crime solving. Anyway, this show has, like so many others before it, taken over my life.

I’ve discovered that through my Netflix subscription I can watch them for free online through the Netflix website. AND, it’s commercial free, which is infinitely better than sitting through commercials on the CBS website. I do find myself staying up till all hours watching episode after episode. Then I dream about them, dream about the characters, and dream about being an NCIS agent myself. I also fall asleep planning how I could possibly be murdered and leave the agents clues to find my killer. Slightly demented? I can see why you’d think that, but it’s harmless, I’m not really worried about being murdered. My roommate and my cat will protect me.

While I can easily get hooked on things, I can also easily “unhook” myself. When I finish the TV series or the project, I’ll feel a little lost for a day, but I’ll get over it. And then I’ll move on to my next fixation. It’s a cycle, it’s a fault and I’m okay with it.

Watching history

Last night, Senator Barack Obama was declared the presumptive nominee for the democratic candidate for President.
It was a momentous occasion marred only by the immediate question of Hillary's fate. I'm not her biggest fan by a long shot, but if having her on the ticket will help Obama get into the White House, then so be it. I am also confident that he could beat McCain without Clinton's name on his ticket. That said, here's the clip of CNN announcing their projection last night. Enjoy this moment in history.

Mother's Day without a Mom

Shame on me for not writing in a few weeks. Life has been insanely busy for some reason so please accept my apologies.

This past weekend was Mother's Day. And as you may or not be aware, my mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly just shy of two years ago. It was without a doubt the single most defining time of my life. My mother, as with many mothers, was my core, my constant, my reason. She was the one thing that remained steady when everything else was up or down. I counted on her to be there when I complete grad school, when I get married, when I have children... and for all the moments in between. I never in a million years would have thought I'd have to tackle those events without her.

The first year was the worst. No surprise there. It was the Year of Firsts (Without Her). The first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first birthday (mine and hers), the first Mother's Day. Each holiday providing its own unique reminder of what was no longer there. I'm a big card giver and so for that first year I continued to buy her cards. Call me crazy, I really don't care. It helped me. As I would stand in Hallmark amongst the other card purchasing customers, I felt like I had a huge scarlet letter on my chest. I felt like everyone in the store knew my secret, that the card in my hand was for a mother I no longer had. The scarlet letter is still there, I know I still wear it, but I've gotten used to it. And I know now that my scarlet letter is not visible to strangers, but only to those who know me, and know what happened. I will, at least for the next several years be the "girl whose mom died." That is my scarlet letter.

After I survived the first anniversary, August 26, I felt like a huge weight was lifted. It no longer preoccupied every moment of everyday. In my head, my every thought was no longer followed with "and my mom died." It sounds strange, but that's how it was. My inner monologue often sounded something like, "What should I have for dinner tonight? Mom died." "I need to get that report done for work. And moms gone." And I don't know how the switch flipped, but it did and on August 27, 2007 I woke up feeling like a new girl.

Now, don't get me wrong. Its still far from over. It will never be over. I will always miss her. I will always wish that she was here. I will always have my scarlet letter. But its a matter of acceptance now. And what helped me the most was allowing myself to feel. I think my mom taught me to be strong. I've never felt more strong and accomplished in my whole life as I do now.

And so as Mother's Day this year came and I went, I realized that everyday is Mother's Day to me. Every day I think about my mother, and every day I miss her. Every day I think about how much I love and appreciate her and how I wouldn't be who I am today without her. Sunday was the day Hallmark tells everyone else to do what I get to do every day.

Happy Belated Mothers Day :)

David Cook is still rocking my world

Last night's Idol was particularly bad. Brooke forgot her words and had to start her performance over, about which even Paula couldn't muster up a nice thing to say. The kid with the dreads that everyone loves (I don't get it?) wasn't very good. David Archuleta annoys me all the time so nothing new there.

But ahh, my breath of fresh air, David Cook. He was good, I wasn't crazy about the song, but he did well with what he had to work with. Also, I got a kick out of Andrew Lloyd Weber telling Dave to "pretend I'm some hot little 17 year old," to which Dave quickly quipped back "ha, well, I'm 25 so I don't think that's a good idea..."

One of the bloggers over at Mollygood posted an old video of Kelly Clarkson on Big Band Night during Idol Season 1. What happened to the good old days? Contestants used to dress up in whatever theme that night was, and was really something different and fun to watch. Now they all just wear regular boring clothes.

My old roommates and I used to say that Idol should have a "Best of" Season. Bring back all the big hitters. Don't vote anyone off, even make it just a one night show where they each sing their one or two best Idol songs. This inspired me to get on youtube and make my very own lineup for this Best of Idol show. Please sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy the good old days and the rare, decent talent.

Clay Aiken “To Love Somebody”


Kelly Clarkson “Surrender”


Tamyra Gray “Minnie the Moocher”


Carrie Underwood “Alone”


David Cook “Always Be My Baby”

David Cook Rocks my World

Holy crap.

David Cook needs to either win Idol or get kicked off now so he can start work on an album which I will be first in line to purchase.

I've been following Idol pretty casually this year but I do consider myself pretty familiar with all the contestants. I've always been a big fan of David Cook, Michael John and... sometimes the blond girls (neither of which mind you hold a candle to Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson).

I'm a sucker for celebs and Mariah Carey was the guest coach this week so of course I tuned in. The first six were average, forgettable, nothing special. I had been waiting for David Cook to come on because I knew his brother was going to be in the audience and I figured it would be emotional given the circumstances (his brother has brain cancer, I think? Its really sad and I read that family and friends chartered a private medical jet for him to be able to attend the taping tonight). So I was a little surprised when David chose "Always Be My Baby."

However, I was floored by his performance, he absolutely blew me away. His interpretation was so original and creative and so well done, it was brilliant. All the judges agreed that he is ready for the big time. Their feedback was so positive it left Dave with tears in his eyes. Personally, I think they were happy tears that he rocked so hard the night his brother was in attendence. I am still just in awe over his performance, thank god I Tivo-ed it because I've already watched it 4 times since the show ended 15 minutes ago.

Okay, that's my freak out over David Cook. I cannot wait til he puts out an album and goes on tour. He's amazing. Ok, goodnight.

Update: Someone put the video up on Youtube, mind you its 7:30am when I'm adding this and already over 30,000 views.